remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
the condom got lost in my hair
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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