My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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