He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
