My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
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