Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
