I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
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