You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
