So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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