My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
