I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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