My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Panties = found
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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