i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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