someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
