Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
