Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
