im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
