i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Randomize
