I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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