Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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