He uses pillows to masturbate.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
