she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
You left your phone here
Wait...
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