I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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