bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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