I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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