You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I am naked and annoyed.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
