Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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