I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
