And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize