Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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