She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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