Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Randomize
