Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
