What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Randomize
