So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Randomize
