90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
