Have you finally orgasmed yet?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
