wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
