Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
