I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
