He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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