i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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