My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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