made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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