She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
