gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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