ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
