checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Randomize
