Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
