I wanna bring you to show and tell
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
