come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
