Need sex. Gaining weight.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
