so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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