Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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