thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Come on in and take your pants off
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