Just mADE A PArabola og urine
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
