If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Randomize
