dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
