I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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