I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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