I want to make a zoo with you.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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