I didn't shave. On purpose
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Randomize