I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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