We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
