You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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