Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
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