So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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